Caraphernelia

Caraphernelia \ka-rə-fə(r)-‘nēl-yə\ noun : a broken-heart disease that occurs whenever someone leaves you, but leaves all of their belongings behind

WAKING UP WITH the sudden nostalgic feeling next to what used to be your pillow. Going out of bed with the melancholic vibe. Brushing teeth with a jolt of sadness seeing there’s an extra toothbrush left by the sink. Eating the pain for breakfast. Taking a shower wishing the misery would be washed away. But seeing the vanilla-scented body wash brings back the fresh smell of your skin whenever I bury my nose in your neck. Looking at the mirror hoping these lips would form a smile someday, hoping these lips would meet yours again; but seeing that photo near the corner reminds me why I can’t. Driving to work thinking of you sitting at the passenger seat and I just want to run away from everything. Doing the job with the constant reminder of how it looked like the way it was before. A photo of us on top of my desk. Sitting at the cafeteria at lunch thinking of the phone calls and text messages sent and received. Taking the long way home just to forget the state of being alone. Lying on the bed as if you’re here next to me. This is my usual routine since the day you left. I’m getting used to it, in fact. I have long accepted that you chose not to be with me. However, can you blame me when the thought of you still continues to linger in my mind? Can you blame me if I can’t forget about you? My heart is shattered and I don’t bother to pick up the pieces anymore for I can’t afford the medicine. But please come back. No, not to fix my heart. Come back and bring with you our memories, the moments we shared, the pain, and the pieces of my heart. It continues to beat for you, anyway.

-fin-

Written with the inspiration of the word itself, but there is also a Pierce the Veil song of the same title. If you want to listen to it, check this out.