Escape

Day and night, I struggle

Stuck in one of the hardest battles of all.

One day I’m helpless

In a never ending labyrinth,

Looking for something I can’t even comprehend.

Trying to make sense of where to go;

But still not knowing what to look for.

Running like there is no end.

The next day I’m trapped

In a small cage with tiny holes,

Getting away from a ghost I don’t even recognise.

Trying to make sense of where to hide;

But still not knowing what I’m hiding from.

Seeing things with my own, two eyes.

Claustrophobia creeps into my veins as 

I look for that giant exit sign.

Tell me how does one escape 

When one gets lost in their own mind?

      
-fin-

(featured image courtesy: pinterest)

Used

You craved for my company,

You said it would just take time;

So I waited.

      
You promised me soon you will reciprocate my feelings,

Despite breaking my heart in the process many times;

So I stayed.

      
But truth is you just liked the idea that I love you,

You just enjoyed the feeling of being loved;

So I felt used.

      
But you didn’t love me back,

Nor would you ever do;

So I got tired.

      
You just used my love for you,

Until it was all gone;

So I left.

     
-fin-

     

(featured image courtesy: trunkweed.com)

Memory Lane

You’re in my thoughts again, I see,

Maybe it was really meant to be.

It’s hard to see you once again

Although I really can’t remember when.

I just know—

It was a long way down since we’ve seen each other;

And sad to say it wasn’t a pleasant encounter.

Because you keep on forcing me with things I don’t want to see.

With people I no longer trust, and places where I never wanted to be.

How would you expect us to last when you always bring me to the past? 

And expect me to move on from the people and places I’m trying to forget? 

How can I forget when all you make me do is reminisce? 

Yes, moving on is not forgetting you said;

But people cope differently, get it through your head. 

Again and again, we bicker whenever we see each other. 

And because I don’t want to linger, I won’t make this any longer. 

We won’t go any further even though I still can.

So I hope you understand that I can’t risk taking a trip again.

My memory lane, leave me be; 

‘Cause all you do is give me pain and melancholy.

-fin-

(photo courtesy of  tamsueva.com)

Hypnophobia

My mind wanders, leading me to a place where I feel completely wide awake with the eyes closed. These places where we go are supposed to be called ‘dreams’; a land of my great escape. But in my unconscious state, I become the most vulnerable as my mind takes me to a place called ‘nightmares’; they contain my worst miseries and fears.

 

So from then on, I control my mind. Never let it bring me to places again. When was the last time have I ever dreamt? I don’t know for I stopped going there. The dark is terrifying, but I teach my mind to get used to it. The night is mysterious, but wide awake, I can conquer it.

 

I am not afraid of the night. I am afraid of the demons that may haunt me once I close my eyes.

 

-fin-

(featured image courtesy: Literary Yard)

Chance

At first glance, breathing—

It was the last thing on my mind.

His eyes make diamonds envious

As they sparkle brighter,

Leaving a trail of girls after.

And his lips, once words flow,

There’s nothing, I know,

That I want to hear more.

Blessed in the gene department,

Everyone can see.

Just standing in the room

Makes girls weak on the knees.

Pathetic—now that is me.

I don’t even deny that

I am lost in my own reverie.

Because if to be noticed by him

Was a competition through lottery,

Count me in; I bet my all.

The psychotic girl stands tall.

Despite knowing that I have only

Chances that are one

In who-knows-how-many;

I won’t even deny,

I still hope on you, probability.     

-fin-

(featured image courtesy: MTV)

    

10.01.17

Similes of Depression and Anxiety

Like a physical pain, it hurts.

Every thought is a punch in the gut,

Every word is a stab straight to the heart.

Like a thief, it steals.

It took away the optimist in me.

Like a murderer, it kills.

Gone was the person I once used to be.

Like water, it flows.

From my mind, it goes

through my words and actions.

It’s drowning me.

Like a war, it’s a battle.

Either win to live or die trying.

I can’t do anything;

I’m sad to say I’m losing.

   

-fin-

(featured image courtesy: wdian.org)

Guilty

From the lingering smell of a girl’s perfume on the collar of your shirt as I snuggle on your neck, I was supposed to feel the warmth of your embrace but I felt cold. Cold as if a bucket full of water with ice was poured on me, as I realised the perfume isn’t mine. It began. Was it a crime to accuse you all at once?
      

I thought it was so the benefit of doubt was the least I could give. But the constant ringing of your phone whenever you were with me and the hint of a smile from your lips as you opened the message told me this doesn’t seem like a text message you’ve received from one of your teammates. It continued. Would I sound like a lawyer if I interrogated you?

      

I didn’t want to sound like a lawyer so I let it pass. We never lied to each other but here was a thing I wouldn’t admit. There were times when I followed you wherever you go because of these aching accusations etched in my mind fuelled by your suspicious actions I couldn’t set aside. It escalated. Could I be sued for being a stalker of someone who was supposed to be the love of my life?

     

At this point I did not care anymore as I sketched an elaborate plan to confirm these suspicions that stopped me from having a peaceful sleep at night. Your actions kept me awake as I recalled the old-you whenever you were with me. I sulked more upon the realisation that you’ve never been this distant before. It led me to drastic measures and could you blame me when you, the supposed love of my life, drifted away as if an ocean is between us? It went out of control. Am I the suspect of this crime?

     

The answer was no. When one day we’re together, you told me you need to go. You brushed me off like dust when I asked and the conversation even heated when all I wanted to know was what was happening between us. You said we were fine but you know damn well we were far from that. The only right thing you did was to leave your phone when you walked out the door and there I saw the main evidence in this mystery I’ve been trying to solve. This last and most crucial clue brought me to the crime scene. I saw you kissing her. It ended. I knew I was the victim and I’m suing you for committing murder.

    

Now don’t you dare tell me that you are not a murderer; because you killed me the moment I saw you with her.

   

-fin-

(featured image courtesy: deviant art)